5 Golden Rules - The Be There Framework for Supporting Mental Health

By: Michael Vento, Annual Advocacy + Inclusion Specialist | Digital4Good

The five golden rules created by "be there" is a framework used to assist individuals who want to support people struggling with their mental health. By creating this framework, it allows individuals to see what warning signs to look out for, how to assist individuals, and set boundaries based on the role they play, while also connecting individuals to resources containing additional help and assistance. 

The Five Golden Rules:

1. Say What You See
2. Show You Care
3. Hear Them Out
4. Know Your Role
5. Connect To Help

Say What You See

When talking about mental health and suicide, it is important to not jump to assumptions or judgments, as talking about these subjects may not be easy for some individuals. By saying what you see, you can open the door for these discussions in a safe and comforting approach. 

Some examples of this include, but are not limited to the following:

• "I noticed that you haven't been coming out as often to see us as you usually do, and that's not really like you. I wanted to check in with you and see how you are doing"
• "You've seemed down these past couple of days. Is there anything you would like to talk about?"
• "I've missed seeing you at school these past couple of days. Is everything okay?"

Show You Care

Letting someone know that you can is a great way to be there for them, as it shows that they are not alone and have someone in their corner to talk to. Showing that you care does not always have to be what you say to the individual, it can also be a physical action you do in support. Here are some examples below:

• If they have been missing school, you could help them catch up on lessons students have learned in class, or possibly tutor them. 
• If they are anxious to do an understandable task, you could offer your support to be alongside them, like walking with them when it's dark to avoid feelings of isolation.
• Asking "How can I support you better" is also important to ask so you can get a sense of what type of support they need directly from them

Hear Them Out

Hearing individuals out and listening to them express themselves is important, as it gives the individual a comforting environment to discuss important topics, and provides good learning to both individuals. There are a multitude of ways to hear an individual out, but it is also important to make sure the discussion remains about them.

• Asking open-ended questions and being patient can be helpful as it allows individuals to have time to express their emotions and feelings.
• Allow there to be times where both individuals can take a moment of silence. Sometimes it is not easy to express your feelings, and that is totally okay! These moments of silence provide time to reflect upon oneself, and possibly open up another discussion in the future.
• Share about your own personal experiences if you are comfortable! It provides assurance to the person by letting them know they are not alone. If you do not know what to say, just listening provides amazing support itself.

Know Your Role

Wanting to help individuals through these processes is important, but it is even more important to understand your role as the loved one in these situations. By supporting someone through these conversations, it is important to set boundaries and mention resources the individual can use in order to get the best help they can receive.

• Do not judge their feelings and experiences. Your role is to provide support to the individual and make them feel heard.
• Do not preach. Unless directly asked to, it is important to resist urges to give advice or ways to "fix" topics being discussed.
• Do not downplay their experiences or emotions. By doing this, you are making the individual feel as though they are overreacting. Instead, allow them to express themselves, listen, and mention resources that can provide better assistance to them.

Connect To Help

The most important step you can take to help someone you love struggling with their mental health would be to help them connect to help. There are various types of resources available both online and in the environment around us that individuals can go to if they are seeking help. However it is important to note that some resources may not be as easily accessible than others, so it is good to follow up with the individual.

• Offer to go with them to a counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist to show that you would like to support them through this journey if they would like that type of assistance.
• Normalize these resources. The more we discuss the resources surrounding us like therapy, prevention hotlines, talking with school counselors, etc, we open up the conversation that getting help is good, while also decreasing the stigmatization involving these topics. 
• If possible, help find ways to remove these barriers, like transportation, money, time, etc. If this is not possible, it is also good to look at alternative resources to provide aid and assistance

The Five Golden Rules is a framework intended to help individuals support their loved ones struggling with their mental health. By implementing this framework into your daily conversations, it allows the creation of supportive and comforting environments, as well as decreasing the stigma behind mental health!! 

For more mental health resources and student resources, please subscribe or visit us at www.icanhelp.net.